Leekirstensblog

Yes, I am a porn star in bed

leekirs1 — Fri, 11 May 2012 04:49:21 +0000

OK, I admit it. I love sex with my husband! I absolutely crave it, adore it AND him, and it is absolutely hot. I am 43 years old, probably nearing the end of my peak. In my early 20′s, and thirties, a whole decade, sex was not my forte`. Yes, I was and still am skilled beyond most mere mortals, (hehehe) but I really couldn’t care. I had children, laundry, a job, etc. I also had a husband who I was not turned on by. Sorry, not his fault, just a reality. Fast forward to a loving, sensual, teasy, sexy husband whose every move gets me going, and it’s a different story now. Also, he’s just so choir-boy innocent on the outside, but hot and naughty on the inside, and that just gets me all fired up!! So, when I hear women who have been married to the same wonderful guy for over ten years yawning about sex, or Victoria’s Secret, or whatever, I just laugh. I will tell you now what I have learned. I am sorry if I offend any of the more restrained and religious types, but just remember this- the marriage bed is undefiled. Just to set the record straight, I have been defiled on more than one occasion, and I am not proud of it, but that was then, and this is now.

1) You don’t need to give your man the third degree about porn. They process this stuff differently than we do. They don’t see a hot woman, and think, “Wow, I wish my wife were that attractive…”, if anything, they wish you were that INTO THEM. That’s right! It’s not the body image, though, to be real, that does count, but it’s MORE in the way the women WANT the guys they are with. Let me just tell you now, that if you’re hard to get and your husband has to practically beg for sex, something in the relationship is probably wrong. THAT is what needs to be addressed. Don’t use withholding of affection as some kind of tool to get him to SEE what the problem is. He won’t . Your man loves you, that’s why he popped the question. When it comes to bedroom time, leave all the problems behind, and lose yourself in him, in his arms, his love. If you can’t, it’s time to come clean and have that talk.

2) Watch it with him! It may be a bit embarrassing, it might even make you squirm. I don’t know about you, but knowing that my husband is getting excited gets ME excited. Maybe it’s just the thing to get you to try something new, something adventurous. You know all those romance novel fantasies you’ve been secretly harboring? (romance novel = lady porn, admit it!) Well, get over the false pride and tell him about it! Chances are, he will do it. Show him what YOU can do, and he will most likely follow suit.

3) Somehow, ladies, the wild, hot woman he seduced became a prude once the I-do’s were said. But, why? Are you trying to show him that growing up means growing old and then dying, like, right now? Again, the marriage bed is undefiled, and unless you have issues in your relationship, and are trying to use sex as a power tool, this should be the time to let go, and show some passion! You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

4) “He doesn’t care how I feel and never tries to please ME. It’s all about the almighty penis!” OK, I understand this. You have an insensitive clod who doesn’t try to please you. Have you really talked to him? Again, is this just a symptom of other underlying problems? Assuming all other areas in the relationship are ok, and talking has not caused a change, I recommend getting him red hot, then leave him hanging while you show him how YOU like to please YOURSELF while he watches. That will not only drive him wild, but he might even get a lesson. Be BOLD. Show him what you like. Guys are VERY visual.

5) Don’t become a prude and freak out if he even looks at the Adult store sign! Drag him in and be embarrassed- but look at toys. Tell him what you would love for him to do to YOU with one of them. It will be a better night, I assure you!

6) Be 100% real and TELL him your fantasies, no matter how bizarre you think they are. It will probably give him wood.

7) TOUCH. You’re tired? So’s he. You’re not ‘into’ it? Touch him anyway. Intimacy is not just sex, but once you start touching the one you love, let things take their natural course, whether to sleep, or to more.

8) You’re not comfortable with your body? Chances are, after 10+years, neither is your guy. Guys have days THEY feel ‘bloated’ and tired, too! Maybe he is always ‘comfortable’ with his body- doesn’t matter, guys are usually more confident than we are. Truth be told, unless your man is an ASS, he loves your body, every bit of you. Take advantage of that fact, and be BOLD in bed. Be teasing, be sensual, be hot, and don’t second guess yourself. Don’t worry about your breath, your hair, whether you shaved recently enough. Just forget all of that, and get naughty!

You’re welcome. Class dismissed!

Today’s Most Amazing Workout and the Day’s Sample Diet

leekirs1 — Tue, 08 May 2012 04:06:54 +0000

Today I decided to take advantage of my new Y membership. There was a class called Cardio Pump, which I had not heard of, and didn’t really know what was, but I was going to go, because the Zumba class is only in the mornings. I couldn’t go to the morning class because I ended up spending 2.5 hours getting my car aligned, and it still drives straight when the steering wheel is cocked at 11:30 to the left. I digress.
Well, the Cardio Pump kicked my butt from the first minute! We did squats with heavy bars, we did push-ups on giant balls, we did a ton of various arm workouts with weights and bars, and a LOT of reps! I am glad I did this, and will be back. Everything in my body is sore. This is no P-90X, to be sure, but quite a bit more than I would have endured without someone watching. My pride kicks in and I just won’t quit. I won’t be that quitter who just can’t take it. I have to admit, though, that I was very close. My right arm just about completely stopped functioning. I am left-handed, so maybe that’s why. I almost fell on my face after so many lunges, but I kept pushing through. I am totally feeling it now. Tomorrow, I sense a few doses of ibuprofen will be needed, and I am really glad to be off of work tomorrow.

Today’s eating: Taking advice from a fellow blogger, I really focused today on only eating when hungry. I wasn’t too hungry all day, but of course- I did eat. Breakfast was one Atkin’s bar (3 grams) at around 7, then a brunch of egg and cheese on low carb tortilla, a few strips of crispy bacon, and a few strawberries with whipped cream. Total carbs here- 8-10.

I had nothing else to eat until dinner. Dinner was grilled salmon and broccoli. Carbs? 3. Dessert: a Carb-Master yogurt with a bit of whipped. 5. Daily total- 21. but we must add about 3 for my coffees in the morning, so 24. My goal now is 25-30, easily do-able. After my intense work-out class, I also spent about 20 minutes of combined time on walking fast on the treadmill and the stairclimber. Not a bad day in low-carb land, and I am feeling fitter already.

I have spent too much of my life wasting time, eating way too much junk food, and being a couch potato! While I cannot promise you I won’t fall back into my previous ways someday, I have to wonder why I would want to go back to that? I am getting older, and there will come a day when I will be old. I cannot predict what strange maladies may befall me. Arthritis? Cancer? Brittle bones? But even if I stay healthy, everybody dies. I want to know that I managed to take the gift of life I was given, and that I gave back by taking care of this gift, and doing all I could do to stay productive and active. There are no guarantees in life, except death and taxes, but why not prove to myself just what I could do IF ONLY.

What could you do, IF ONLY… ?

I Told You to Be Careful! Hit & Run

leekirs1 — Mon, 07 May 2012 15:59:42 +0000

I told you to be careful!

Bent fender

shredded plastic

flying metal

two riderless Reeboks, too slow to keep up with you

stay fixed on the street

macabre

I told you to be careful!

Did anyone tell him

to look, listen, slow

No!!

blood soaked asphalt

broken head- such pretty hair , your pretty hair

what has he done…

broken dreams

broken heart

time stopped

I told you to be careful

you flew so far

one might have thought it better

than to be crushed

but it didn’t help

to fly without wings

without brakes

without time to think that

time was over for you

and my world flew with you

and our hearts stopped as one

I told you to be careful!

Low-carb and Cruising right Along- and some Product Reviews

leekirs1 — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 00:25:28 +0000

Well, I haven’t been blogging much about low-carb, because I have settled in to my 132-3 and don’t seem to be too worried about really losing a lot more weight, just maintaining the loss I have. My body seems to have adjusted to about 25-30 grams per day. I sometimes have less, but not intentionally more. I have discovered new low-carb treats to add to my snack food agenda. First, the good- Emerald dark cocoa covered almonds. A lot of nice chocolate/almond flavor with the same 3 grams of net carbs as regular almonds. These also do well in the food processor to supplement my almond flour for cheesecake crust. Speaking of cheesecake, I made one last night which turned out quite nicely. I would change one thing- use just 3 eggs with 3 regular packs of cream cheese, a cup of sour cream, 4tbls lemon juice concentrate, vanilla (2 teaspoons) and splenda to taste. I did not measure, sorry. I just kept dumping it into the mixer bowl and taste testing it until I was happy with it. The sour notes from the lemon and sour cream help cut that “gee, this must be Splenda-sweetened” phenomenon. The other thing about Splenda is that is tends to be foamy and fluffy. A dense, creamy texture can be had if you take my advice and only use 3 eggs, at the most. Otherwise, though- quite nice. I found a bit of nutmeg over the almond flour crust also made the flavor more interesting and somehow more authentic. If you need more info for this recipe, let me know. I can tell you the methodology. I must say, I liked Cheesecake Factory’s low carb version of cheesecake better, but I am still learning. The worst version I ever made calls for gelatin, and it’s just pretty poor. Speaking of poor, I will now move on to my reviews of other low-carb endorsed items that I don’t like at all. Someone suggested pork rinds. I tried them. I tried them with pico de gallo. I tried them alone. They just gross me out, and that’s just the way it is. Also, Splenda and cocoa brownies with almond flour. Baked them today. Ok if I am really desperate, but s.f. jello is better. Unfortunately, I ate all the whipped cream, so won’t be having that extra special goodness WITH the Jello, but that’s the way that goes. I have a whipped cream addiction now.

Exercise- A gal from work and I have started walking the park lap. It’s 3.59 miles all the way around, and we walk it very briskly, occasionally breaking into a run or jog. It’s a good workout, if we can just keep with it, it should help with muscle tone.

New experiment- for about a week I have been sampling Nivea’s “My Silhouette”, a ‘redefining’ gel that promises amazing results if used consistently for four weeks. It’s supposed to smooth my lumpy fat zones. OK, sure. For $3.50 a bottle, I can just barely wait to see the astounding results! Still, here I am using it every day. Faithfully. I am probably a dupe.

Finally, there’s the brand name of low-carb pancake mix- Was it Walden Farms? I am not sure. I like their zero calorie strawberry spread, especially in my plain greek yogurt, but I don’t like the pancake mix. It’s just- not worth the hassle to mix it up, and not a good value for what you pay. Better to have an Atkin’s bar.

I’m continuing to preach the word about the value of kicking most of the sugar out of one’s diet, but people still think they’re doing well to get turkey bacon and still eat the Hostess Ding-Dong’s and Valu-Tub ice cream. Sigh…

New goal: 125 lbs. Pounds to lose- 7. Method? I am really not sure. I suppose I would have to further decrease carbs back to a strict 20 and make sure to get a consistent FOUR hours of hard cardio workout in every week. I’ll let you all know when I start consistently doing that. Tomorrow would be a great day to work out and to retool my carb intake.

Take care, every one of you low-carbers, and let me know how it’s going! OK? Lee

To anyone who may find this …. 2/10/2050

leekirs1 — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:36:37 +0000

Scan0002

Scan0001

Depression, fatigue, or low thyroid?

leekirs1 — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 03:55:24 +0000

My younger daughter has been fighting a lack of energy and motivation over the past couple of years. She has also suffered with serious depression and cutting. The cutting is something she has promised and vowed to never do again, and I know she means it, but we want to make sure she doesn’t slip back into it, ever. We cannot guarantee that she will not, but we choose to believe IN her.

Recently, after counseling, her psychologist recommended antidepressants- something we had thought about but had truly hoped not to have to turn to. They have a nasty reputation-especially among teens, for making matters worse.

However, her new medical doctor went ahead and prescribed my daughter Celexa. She had taken the first pill, and we were sitting at a Chinese restaurant when the doctor called and told us that the good news, compared to the news of depression, was that my daughter’s thyroid function was very low, and that we should stop the antidepressants until Synthroid had been prescribed and taken for a few weeks, etc. The first dose was low, and did not change anything for her, so this time we have a .75 mcg dose instead of .25 mcg, and so we will now begin tomorrow to see what results there will be.

I just want to encourage everyone who has symptoms of depression, but who has either never been officially diagnosed, or who believes they are depressed but don’t want to take antidepressants, to get your thyroid levels checked. It has been estimated that up to a third of people on antidepressants may be misdiagnosed with depression, and may not be seeing any good results from the antidepressants. So, even if you have been diagnosed with depression, and are on antidepressants, but have never had your thyroid checked, please do.

Other symptoms of thyroid disorders can be found at Web MD, among other sites online. My daughter has some of the symptoms listed, but not any of them were too pronounced. She has areas of dry skin, but she is a teen, so she has the typical breakouts and oily skin, too- so hard to tell that anything was too strange, there. She does tend to fluctuate a lot in weight depending on the time of the month- an indicator of more than usual water retention. She has a sluggish metabolism and low energy, but these symptoms could have been and were chalked up to social awkwardness, depression, or lack of exercise. Thyroid testing only involves a blood test. So, if you know anyone that may benefit from this information, please pass it along.

I can only try to express to you the relief that there may be hope for my daughter to be a happier, more fulfilled person. The idea that her life may be turned around with a small little pill is amazing to me. I am very hopeful. My 17 year-old daughter is an amazing, funny, brilliant girl who is the sweetest person I know. She is compassionate and lovely, wonderful and insightful. I only wish we had pursued these avenues sooner, instead of simply thinking she was going through teen angst, or suffering because of parent’s divorce, or moving around a lot. None of these things were easy on her, but were not enough to cause the extreme depression we were seeing.

We truly look forward to seeing our little sunshine SHINING again. We hope that this post will help someone else.

132 lbs and holding. Over three months of Atkin’s.

leekirs1 — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:02:34 +0000

I can’t believe it’s been just over three months. It seems like six or seven. In fact, every few weeks I do the count, and it’s still at like 3 months. I started induction in earnest on January 12. Here it is April 16, so yeah- three months and a week. Not much time, eh? The first three weeks I saw nothing going on with the scale to indicate success. I cut back on portions, watched out for hidden carbs, re-educated myself on the science of Atkin’s by buying a new copy of the book, and finally began to see results. I added occasional exercise because I tend to be a couch potato at home, or housekeeping, but not chasing the cardio. At work, which is 20-32 hrs per week, I stand, walk, lift, and generally move like crazy. I guess that does count for something, but again- it’s not hard core cardio, and I don’t break a sweat.

Time went on, and I stayed true to the plan. I am in OWL phase now, which means I allow myself 25-30 grams of carbohydrate per day. Whereas before, all my carbs came from veggies and whatever scant amounts are in salad dressing and cheese, I now allow myself nuts, berries, and other sugar free treat products which I denied myself before, just in small quantities.

An example of this new treats thing is the Breyer’s ice cream or fudge bar. These are a net gram carb count of 3 for the fudge, and 5 for the ice cream bar. I don’t have it every day, and they have not caused gain nor caused me to binge. The other new addition is the Murray’s sugar free fudge covered wafer. I can have two of those for 3 grams. Some products, especially those labeled ‘sugar free’, and not ‘low carb’ require calculations to get the net gram count. First, subtract any fiber. Next, subtract grams of sugar alcohol- those are not processed by the body. Another thing to keep in mind is that because they are not processed by the body ,but eliminated with great haste and often chaos, eat those things high in sugar alcohols with much caution, or you could have some very embarrassing and painful episodes. So, the sugar free candy that has 19+ grams of sugar alcohol per 2 piece serving that you ate ten of? WATCH OUT WORLD. When your stomach starts gurgling and churning and something smells like the sewer lines backed up, just go have some quality time in the restroom. Don’t come out for a while, bring War and Peace in there with you.

Another new fun product was the sugar free strawberry preserves – zero carbs, and pairs nicely with almond butter on a low carb tortilla. Yum.

Some Helpful Low-Carb Links!

leekirs1 — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 22:58:31 +0000

So I found this site- viva Low carb- and some products they have here I cannot wait to try- and didn’t even know existed. I look forward to Low-carb bagels and yes, even Nabisco Sugar Free Oreos. 2 cookies for 6 net grams of carb. Not a mainstay to any diet, but definitely a nice treat!

Check out all the goods at http://www.vivalowcarb.com This company has a nice line-up, good website set up, and I like to support their efforts. Unfortunately, I saw no affiliate program- but I am promoting them here so that we can all benefit from more availability of low-carb products. I tried just yesterday to find what was advertised online at the Vancouver, WA area as “Low carb Habit” superstore. They went out of business. Ditto for others. It would be so nice to find a low-carb store locally, but until more people catch the wave, it looks like Atkin’s bars and shakes, and whatever I can make at home is about it- UNLESS I order online. So I will. I also believe that some of the low-carbers here will have more success if people like us know that there ARE low-carb alternatives to all our used-to-be- favorite goodies!

Recipes? www.genaw.com/lowcarb/ Just for one example

Cook, eat, share. I am a member here, and this is a GREAT website to not only find recipes, but to post your own. People can vote on each other’s recipes, and there are MANY low-carb pros out there willing to share their secrets. Sometimes the chicken and broccoli stir-fry gets old .If you’re like most of us, you’re thinking- there has to be something else! Luckily, there is!

I still Miss Cake and Tortilla Chips!

leekirs1 — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 06:55:51 +0000

Just to clear the air, there’s a thing or 20 that annoy me about low-carb living. ONE: I am still at 132, yay me, but my butt is still MY weird, imperfect BUTT and I still miss cake, tortilla chips, YUM, CEREAL! and a bunch of other things, like real ice cream, a REAL sandwich, etc. I am still too afraid to enter the pre-maintenance phase of Atkin’s, because I feel like I am not at goal weight yet, and I am still not getting there. Truth is, though- I have lost and kept off this initial eight pounds. So that is something to be proud of.

A couple of things: One – I am not working out on a regular basis. SORRY.

. My mom says I keep looking thinner. I think that’s just dehydration because I can’t seem to take in enough water now. I have dry skin, dry eyes, and am always parched in the morning. What is happening? I am not getting enough water. Seems hard to do in Atkins.

I MISS real Mexican food, with TORTILLAS. Everyone’s chowing down on chips and salsa before dinner while I drool all over the Casa De Guacamole’s polyurethane table.

Still, I carry on. On, and on, and on. I haven’t cheated. I haven’t given up, I haven’t CAVED, have had NO cheat days, am stringent, Still- 132, not 122. Not even 129. Oh, to see 129- but not skinnier fingers, a skinnier bottom half is what I want!!

I have considered saving all my money and getting an entire body lift. Too bad that only reveals my inner vain and conceited world view, and my real motivation for all this self induced suffering . Maybe I should just have the extra ten pounds on and EAT real FOOD like I used to. (* On the other hand, if I exercised regularly, I might not have an issue with my body. )

But I don’t, I can’t. ONE french fry sends me into a panic- I won’t touch more than a bite a day of something not on the acceptable list. I know every Atkin’s product known to mankind and I am SICK of them ALL. Sick of the fake chocolate, sick of the massive amount of farting, and most of all- sick of people asking me stupid questions. “”What, you can’t even have cake on a special occasion?” “How long are you going to be doing this diet?” “Oh, that’s right. You can’t eat this, can you? MMMMMN,”
HELP! If salad were a food group, I’d be OK. If green beans could smooth the cellulite off my ass, if only Da Vinci sweetened cream cheese and eating eggs when I want an English muffin and JAM would actually take the final ten pounds off, I would be done with this torture, but No. I am not done, I am not moving off this OWL platform ever. But now, it has to start producing more results. I have to do something new, something different, because I also really miss raisin bread, rice pudding, and the occasional baked potato or RICE with my damned third- time- this- week chicken breast.

If exercise were really that much fun, why are we all so fat? I Like Just Dance and walking in the park, even the stair climber, but I also like sleeping, cleaning house, paying the bills, working, driving , driving, stressing out over gas prices, and WORKING!. Did I mention driving? Or how about taking care of my mom each week? She does pretty well without me, but since she doesn’t drive at all, who puts the food into her house? Who takes out her trash and takes her tax form the H&R Block? Who has to feed the cats, dog, fish, plants, and do laundry? Yes, me. Yes, my husband helps a LOT! But, I am just saying, I am BUSY.

You would think all this busy-ness would equate to all my body image dreams coming true by mere low-carb. Well, yes and no.

TODAY I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished, and know that I can do better. But, when is it it ever okay to be OK with me as I am ? Really, isn’t that the true challenge here?

Right now, I accept myself as I am, with all my flaws, and with all my nice qualities, too. I do have them. We all do. I understand that no matter how my body may look, that time will undo even the best of my efforts eventually. If I am healthy, and everything about me is functioning well, that should be enough. Looks fade, muscles soften, even Jack La Lane won’t live forever. There are other things to be concerned with that actually matter- like spending time with my family, pursuing my hobbies, and developing a fitness plan that puts health above looks and appearances. It is great to be toned and strong, not so great to be obsessed over pant size. I can choose to work on it, and know I am doing what I can, or shut-up about it and actually have a life.

Ten Things My Father Taught ME

leekirs1 — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 04:41:35 +0000

I just read a really lovely, wonderful post about a great dad, and a great daughter. It was very sweet, and I was wistful, and a bit envious reading it. What would it have been like to have had a father for more than my first three years of life? Even better, a dad who didn’t drink, abuse pills, and almost kill my mother.

So, here’s what even a bad experience, and/or a really bad parent can teach you:

1) While it’s true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, it can also make you broken and bitter, until and unless you learn to forgive, and find a path to healing those old wounds and hurts.

2) A bad father can make a girl seek out all the the wrong guys for all the wrong reasons. It took me a few bad years with much older guys to stop realize I was looking for a father figure. Now, I have a healthy relationship with a wonderful man, but I had to grow into that.

3) Having an abusive dad who abandons you can cause you to be distrustful of men on levels so deep you may not realize the distrust is there. It might take counseling and some very deep introspection to find it and deal with it.

4) You might attract more abusive people into your life until you resolve past conflicts.

5) You might always cry on Father’s Day.

6) Your mom might have never moved on to a healthy, stable relationship after your dad almost kills her.

7) You tend to idealize people and relationships, especially with men, because you never learned to have a loving relationship with someone despite normal flaws- any sign of imperfection in a person you get close to in your life signals danger, sometimes too much so. In healthy relationships, you learn that nobody is perfect. That doesn’t mean they are not worthy of love, nor does it mean they will abandon or abuse you.

8) Conversely, you may ignore true danger signs in a person or relationship, because you have no positive role model or a normal, healthy relationship to compare this one to.

9) You can move on to have healthy, productive relationships with people. I have no uncles, no real brother, no grandfather, no older, positive male role model in my life at all. I sometimes truly grieve this, but what can I do? I can move forward. I can still respect and admire people in my life who are positive role models, whether family, acquaintances, or teachers and bosses. I can also realize that none of these relationships will ever replace a bond between a loving father and his daughter. I may never understand that dynamic for myself, but I can still find love, and give love. Most importantly, when no one gives you that strong sense of belief in you, that sense of identity and belonging, you may need to learn to love and appreciate yourself. You have to respect yourself, and not hold your father’s sins against your own life. His failures are not your fault, and you don’t have to inherit them!

10) Trust. I still have a hard time trusting people, with a few very special exceptions. I still struggle with caring about others without fear of attachment, because the cared-for for person either leaves, dies, or changes into a different person. I hope someday to be able to just care about people without any worry about how it will affect ME, and just care freely.

So, to all of you out there with dads who were decent, flawed, real human guys who you knew loved you, no matter what, be grateful. Call your dad. Spend some time together with the ‘cranky old fart’, or ‘puttering old fuddy-duddy’, because one day he may just be gone. Love each other.